Lileks geeks out on "Doom"

If you're the kind of geek who spent hours and hours (and days and days) playing Doom, you probably had the same impression of the movie as James Lileks did (here, scroll down past the Clara Bow image):

Producer: They won't see it coming, you gotta admit that. Then end with a big battle and save the world, whatever. Bring it in under 50 mil and we'll all be heroes for a day.

Writer: You understand that world of mouth will kill the movie almost immediately, don't you?

Producer: I'm not worried what someone says about the movie the second weekend as long as they show up the first.

Writer: But they won't. Someone will leak details, and you'll have to do damage control, show up at conventions with some carefully edited footage, assure everyone you're respecting the franchise, that sort of thing.

Producer: So what's the problem?

Writer: Everyone will hate you.

Producer: (Shrug.) Tell you what. When you write the script, you can put in all your buddies' names. Wherever you want. And you can all come to the set and hang out with whoever plays the hero, and everyone in your company who gets a "producer" credit on your games gets a leased sportscar for a year, just for signing on.

Writer: Deal. But the first guy who dies has to be named "Carmack.