Words as blunt instruments

Okay, it's only the runner-up this year, but I thought it was brilliant:

"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' — and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' — well do you, punk?"

Stuart Vasepuru
Edinburgh, Scotland

Go read the rest of the entries. Hat tip to Ron Hearn, who sent the link to the Techwr-l mailing list.