Juvenile writer wannabe . . . take hope

No matter how bad it is, you'd have to work long and hard to make something as painfully bad as this:

Scott Westerfeld: Recognition of the House of Eleven took no long time, and the lady midst the compliment was none other than wench Mary, a liaress whom I had met before in the rank combats of her style, and who had left more than one of the Clan Demonus with garrote between chin and breathless breast.

I doff my cap to Mr. Westerfeld for the balls-to-the-wall fearlessness to publicly read some of his juvenilia.